After posting Training, Not Explaining, I walked back into the house and into a potential argument with my four year old son Gabriel, who had just finished getting dressed. He’s almost potty trained. Nighttime presents a few challenges though, as does figuring out where he drops his urine saturated pull-up when he dresses himself.
I ask him where the pull up is. He points at it across the room.
“Gabe,” I say, “Come on, you know the routine. Please throw it away.”
“I can’t,” he says. I just love the simplicity of his refusal. And I’m determined to say nothing except 1-2-3. I figure I need to explain the process and the consequence, so I say, “Gabe, I’m going to count up to three. If I get to three, then you don’t get a popsicle this afternoon.”
He asks, “Will Maya get a popsicle?”
I’m not sure if I should answer or if I’m being suckered into the downward spiral. I take a chance. “Yes, your sister will get her popsicle. So will you if you pick up your pull-up.”
“That’s not fair!” he yells.
“That’s one,” I say, and resist saying anything else. I stare at him while holding my finger in the air.
“Maya can’t have my popsicle!” he shouts.
Instead of trying to unscramble the logic, I accept that he really isn’t a Little Adult, he has his own way of processing information that isn’t rational or logical, which is appropriate for his age. I’m not a negotiator right now, I remind myself, I am a wild animal trainer.
“That’s two,” I say. He drops his head and runs over to the pull-up. He picks it up like he’s disgusted. Better him than me, I think, and remain silent.
He marches over to the trash can. Instead of throwing it into the can, he throws it at the can, so it bounces off and splats onto the floor. I don’t say a word.
Normally, I would tell him not to make a mess, or tell him to focus on what he’s doing, or explain how to do it right. Instead, I just stand there and watch his actions. As long as he keeps trying, I am happy. After about six attempts, he finally gets the pull-up into the trash can.
“All right Gabriel. Good job!” I feel good being able to praise him for doing well instead of getting on his case for misbehaving. This required patience on my part, and great resolve not to talk. I didn’t get emotionally hooked into his 4 year old view of things and avoided creating opportunities for his resistance.
Now, on to breakfast. I’ll let you know if 123 Magic can help me get him to eat more too.
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